YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
