my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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