my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
