It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
