Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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