So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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