I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
