I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you would pick up someone in the library
Sacagawea was the original milf.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
