I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
