I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
