he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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