I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize