I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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