it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
