just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
