Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize