I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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