porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
