I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
