he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
