I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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