umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
