are you still at the devil's house?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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