He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
