Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Did I show you my penis last night?
How's work?
Spinning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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