definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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