ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
