Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
