God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
