a search helicopter?!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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