I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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