Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
