i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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