you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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