Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
