Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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