you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
