please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
