Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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