textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
