Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
