i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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