Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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