Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
