then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize