I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
