just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
