I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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