even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
