last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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