Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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