I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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