She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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