either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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