nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
