You smell like stripper and shame
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
