Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
