maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
