Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
it was like eating out sand paper
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
