Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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