did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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