Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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