He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
